U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
