his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
