Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
