ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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