I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
