girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
