ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
