You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
