I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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