he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
