can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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