so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
