my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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