look no pants
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
