i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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