And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
