I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
