i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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