'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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