Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
