K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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