I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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