Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
