it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
