I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Found your dick twin last night
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
