The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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