k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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