Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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