i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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