Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
