and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't deserve a penis
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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