turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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