if i can run in heels then i can drive
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
