I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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