my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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