You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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