This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
