Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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