in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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