Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
