Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
