I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
