I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
