ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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