Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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