I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
