I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
