I skipped work to stalk him.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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