just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
