i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
